Relationships and Circles of Influence in Coaching
Tudor Bidder shares practical reflections on the role relationships, trust, boundaries, and influence play in shaping effective coaching environments. Watch the full presentation below for a thoughtful and experience rich discussion on managing the people in a high performance team.
Attendee Reflection
One of the clearest messages for me was the importance of being proactive. Tudor’s “rule 101” was simple and memorable: “avoid an ambush”. In other words, good coaching is not just about solving problems when they explode. It is about anticipating issues, recognising patterns, and acting early.
Another key point was Tudor’s view of the coach’s role within the programme. He said, “as the coach, you are the total resource and centerpiece of the program”. That was a strong reminder that coaches should not drift to the edges of their own environment. We shape the tone, the standards, the communication, and often the stability of the whole set up. Sometimes when working as part of a coaching team with other professionals, I have been prone to let them take control or speak over me when making decisions, so that was a great reminder.
I also appreciated how directly Tudor spoke about shared values. He said, “I was never willing to coach somebody that I didn’t think I could like”. On the surface that sounds blunt, but the point behind it was important. Coaching relaionships work best when there is alignment in values, trust, and mutual respect. Talent alone is not enough. In a track and field setting, where coaches often work with athletes over many years, that kind of alignment matters enormously.
One of the most effective parts of the presentation was Tudor’s car analogy for athlete development. At the start, the coach drives. The athlete is in the back seat, learning, listening, and gradually understanding the journey. Over time, that changes. The athlete moves closer to ownership and eventually, as Tudor put it, they’ve got the steering wheel while the coach is just with the map telling them which way we’re going. I thought this was a brilliant way of describing how the coach athlete relationship should evolve.
Communication was another major theme, especially the gap between what a coach says and what an athlete actually takes in. “It’s not what you say, what the other person hears”. That is such an important reminder for coaches. A session briefing, a technical cue, or a one to one conversation can feel crystal clear in our own heads, but that does not mean it has been understood the way we intended. His suggestion to ask athletes to play key messages back was a simple but powerful practical takeaway.
The town hall also explored the wider circles around the athlete. Parents, support staff, service providers, peers, and others all influence the environment, sometimes positively and sometimes not. Tudor was very clear that these relationships need to be managed, not left to chance. One line that stood out for me was, “part of our role is to set and control the narrative”. Another was, “if you want to be a part of this, then you need to be accountable for what your part is”. In high performance coaching especially, where many voices can crowd the space, that clarity around roles and accountability is vital.
What I took most from this session was that coaching influence is not built through authority alone. It is built through clarity, consistency, trust, boundaries, and care. Tudor’s reflections were at times funny, at times blunt, and always grounded in real coaching life. For me, it was a valuable reminder that successful coaching environments do not happen by accident. They are built deliberately, relationship by relationship, conversation by conversation, and often through the courage to deal with the small things before they become big ones. Thanks Tudor!
